Har fått ge upp engelskan tillfälligt så tränar lite hemma när orken finns. Skrev bland annat denna text för ett par månader sedan, tycker att den beskriver ganska bra mina känslor idag. Ber om ursäkt för stavfel och grammatiska fel.

Mr. Pain

Forget parties, forget dancing and forget the life you had.

Your friends will forget you and everything left is memories.

Why?

I'm Mr. Pain. I'm invisible for everyone else except you. I'll terrorize you day and night,

I won't let you sleep and I won't let you do what you want to do.

The doctor will never believe in you, only say "it's in your head". After a while maybe you find a doctor that takes you seriously. He will put you throw many exams and give you many painkillers that makes me calm. Maybe they find me and remove me by surgery or medication. Maybe they never find me because I'm invisible for them.

And if they don't find me, they will only tell you to learn dealing with me; "ignore Mr. Pain". Haha! You can't ignore me!

I'm with you all the time. From your very first move at the morning, I'm there trying to stop you from get up from bed. If you win that little battle I'm there again when you try to eat breakfast, makes you feel nausea, you want to throw up but you can't. Dressing for school is almost impossible. Your joints hurts, the pants doesn't fit. You almost give up. But then you remember that you want to fight me and just fight harder. Stupid! I only get back on you, now or later.  

In school I laugh, watching you struggle with be social and your studies. Don't you see how hopeless it is? I will always be there, don't you get it? You can't get a work after school so why fight? As the morning goes on I get more and more power to take over you. By lunch you got no energy left to dare to say something against my will. You lock yourself in the school toilet and probably a tear runs down your cheek. I won again!

Getting home, you make your mum worried. She thinks that you are depressed and suicidal. That's my favorite thing, all the conversations were you try to explain that you aren't depressed and of course you want to live. Is it really true?

Every day I'm taking a piece from you, some days a tinny piece and some days a large piece. Someday only an empty shell of you will be left. Inside I rule. You know that the day will come so why fight? Does it matter if the day is tomorrow or ten years later?

Yes, for you every day makes a difference! Every sunrise gives you hope. As long you can fight you won't give up. It's a lonely fight but you do it because you hope that maybe tomorrow it will be your turn to win…